March 2nd, 2007


Feeling a little world-weary

You know what I hate most about being a so-called "grown-up"?

When I was a kid, life was all about having fun. The question I most often asked myself when I was small was, "What do I want to do now?" Looking for things to do, to read, to experience, to talk about...childhood is not all joy, but that part of it was. Oh, it was.

The question I ask now is "What do I need to do first? What do I have to do?"

Life after childhood is all about goals. Finish high school. Get into university. Graduate. Get a job. Get a place of your own. Get married. Et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum.

And after college, the goals become ongoing. There's rarely an "end" to work towards. Everything goal reached births a thousand new ones, every responsibility kept spawns a new batch of them.

It's not that I don't like working toward goals. I do. Reaching each point and finally finishing contains great satisfaction.

It's just that it never ends. There's never really a time or place to let everything go, to know that it's all finished, and there's nothing more you have to do. Rest is the taken necessity (or stolen pleasure), not the reward.

Sometimes I get tired of it. That's all.