izhilzha (izhilzha) wrote,

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I never know what to post on this anniversary

Truly, I don't. I wrote ficlets last year, but I feel like I can really only do that once. And I never have posted the lengthy journal entry I wrote that night six years ago, because it feels a little bit wrong to assume that my personal experience is of interest to anyone.

--It was the second week of my senior year of university, up in British Columbia. I was sleeping in because my first class didn't start till later, so I was confused and dozy when the phone rang. My good friend in another dorm (a Canadian, no less) was frantic and insisted that I turn on the radio. I remember that I honestly couldn't understand the words she used: "The United States is under attack." I couldn't wrap my brain around it.

--I couldn't wrap my brain around what was happening on the radio either. It took me several minutes of listening to clue into the fact that the planes that hit the towers were hijacked passenger planes. That's probably the closest I've ever come to throwing up out of pure emotion.

--I kept thinking about the TV show Babylon 5, and how the government declared martial law, and hoping nothing like that was about to happen in my own country.

--At the service, an acquaintance of mine from a class said to me, "Maybe this'll get America's attention. They've sat around with their head in the sand for way too long." She sounded almost smug. That's first time in my life I've come close to decking someone. Good thing I didn't; we were standing on the stairs, and she would have fallen backwards down them. But I really wanted to, and there's still a tiny part of me that wishes I'd given in to that desire.

--I remember a couple of male American friends talking as we ate dinner, and saying how they were going to go back across the border and enlist right away. They didn't, as far as I recall, but just hearing that was surreal; I knew about that sort of reaction from books, but seeing it in my friends was unexpected.

--The day was bright and sunny and warm, and seemed to go on forever.

--I was so angry. Gut-wrenchingly, blindingly angry. How dare anyone do this to my country, to my fellow citizens? That got redirected later, at some of my fellow students who took the position of "blame the victims," but initially it was directed at the proper target. Yet still it shook me, that I could be so angry at people I didn't even know, on behalf of people I'd never met.

God bless America. That's pretty much all I have to say.
Tags: 9/11, patriotism, real life

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