izhilzha (izhilzha) wrote,
izhilzha
izhilzha

Winding down 2007, headed into 2008



I actually started meeting some pretty specific goals from last year. Not so much because I put in more effort, as because a couple of unexpected changes made these things easier to implement in my life.

For one, I started getting up very early (6am) to go walking with two of my roommates, and that left enough time when I got back to have some quiet time with God every weekday morning, prayer and Bible study both.

And while I wasn’t as rigid about keeping my Monday and Wednesday nights sequestered for writing, I did much better than at any previous attempts at such a thing, and rediscovered my ability to focus when I kick distractions to the curb.

In terms of life goals, I’m not sure whether did well at meeting them or not. A few of them faded into the background because this year was so different from my expectations.

My roommate Amanda and I moved into a house with two other gals, so there were many changes in our routines. We met many new people, and while I found some of the process to be completely overwhelming, it was also great. Especially now that we’ve started to settle in a bit.

2007 kicked off with a bang, in terms of change: I was asked to step into a leadership role at my church (in Stephen Ministries), something that I haven’t done before, and they even financed the week of training I needed, and the travel expenses to Corpus Christi, Texas. Leadership has never been a comfortable place for me, so this year was full of times when I was nervous or flat-out terrified, of learning how to jump in and run things. That’s something I decided to stop doing back in junior high, when I realized how selfish that sort of thing often is, and how my bossiness hurt people.

But that’s a danger of leadership regardless of whether you’re a selfish person or not. That’s also something I came to understand (and at least try to accept) this year.

Something else new in 2007: I was asked out by 3 different guys (and a 4th, random coffeeshop guy, asked for my phone number), something that had never happened before. This is cause for celebration! *g* Unfortunately, all of them (from the guy I’d met twice to the friend I still have) are not Christians–yet. This was cause for much angst and frustration, as a sharing of the center of my life is my one true non-negotiable in a relationship.

It was also the cause of a lot of thinking, of revisiting the reasons that I hold the faith I do, and of finding new ways to articulate those reasons, to myself and to others. In a way, it’s been wonderful.

--To learn to stand on my own two feet, without fearing what old friends or people from my old church may think, or what my non-Christian friends may think. I am not ashamed of my God, or of what he has taught me, and I need to remember I'm an adult and living before him on my own.

That was one of my “life ambitions” last year, and I think I may have made some progress, but to be honest, I image that one is going to take a long time to truly be able to live. And I am so not there yet.

Last, but not least in any way, I did learn again, and more, that God is trustworthy, that He is near me, that He has plans for me. Even in learning all these new things, and being nervous and anxious about them, I’ve had a sense that the fear is just fear–it hasn’t had the hold on me that it once did. And that is cause enough for praise, without all the other blessings in my life right now.

What’s next, Lord? Whatever it is, make me ready. I want to run with You into the next adventure!




Specific goals:

–Finish my CSI spec and submit it to the Disney Writing Fellowship (subject to the effects of the strike, of course).

–Finish at least a full first draft of my fandom murder mystery script; keep writing regularly, and pushing the focus to profic.

–Continue/restart the walking and quiet time schedule for my mornings, even if I have to be the convincing voice to my roommates this time around.

–Attempt to visit whitemartyr in Scotland!

Life Ambitions:

--Keep a mind and heart open to learning. There's a lot I don't know, and many things I need to be informed about, if only to be able to articulate my own position on certain issues.

--To look at each person I meet as a person, not a job or annoyance or problem. To see them in all their terror and potential, to always be ready to see what is beautiful in them.

--To learn to stand on my own two feet, without fearing what old friends or people from my old church may think, or what my non-Christian friends may think. I am not ashamed of my God, or of what he has taught me, and I need to remember I'm an adult and living before him on my own.

--To learn again, and more, what I learned last year: that I can let go of pain and loneliness and fear, and the nerves of leadership, because He really is trustworthy. And He’s the one who put me in this place, and He is my adequacy.


Happy New Year, everyone! See you in 2008! :-)
Tags: godstuff, los angeles, my fics, real life, writing
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