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February 4th, 2009


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08:43 am - One of the things I hate most
I hate feeling like I don't belong anywhere. That I don't fit.
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent

(27 lit candles | Light a candle)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:kalquessa
Date:February 4th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC)
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But you fit lots of places! *dismay hands*
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 06:55 pm (UTC)
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Yeah... I guess. Maybe I'll whine at you on email later. :) I'm trying to relax today; maybe I'll write some Larry/Megan, huh?

(Hmmm. Have not yet had coffee. Must have coffee!)
[User Picture]
From:kalquessa
Date:February 4th, 2009 06:58 pm (UTC)
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*puts out "Yes, we are Open" sign*

I am OPEN for whining!

And yes, coffee helps. Drink the coffee.
[User Picture]
From:leelust
Date:February 4th, 2009 05:06 pm (UTC)
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I know that feeling. But in your case it's false *hugs*
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 06:54 pm (UTC)
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Aw, thank you. :)
[User Picture]
From:kroki_refur
Date:February 4th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
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I think everybody feels that way sometimes. Which means you fit in with everybody!
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
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Hee! I approve of that interpretation.
[User Picture]
From:ladybrick
Date:February 4th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
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And here I'd say you fit better than I do.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 06:52 pm (UTC)
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I expect a lot of people would say that about each other. :P I'm trying to be grateful.
[User Picture]
From:whitemartyr
Date:February 4th, 2009 05:25 pm (UTC)
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You do belong and you do fit. And I love you and even yet HE loves you more. *HUGS*
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 06:54 pm (UTC)
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*sigh* Thank you. I just wish it was more obvious sometimes. (Although, amusingly, my Daily Light scripture readings this morning were all about being called out of Egypt, being holy and chosen and set apart. So there's a good side to all this, which is just sometimes hard to see.)
[User Picture]
From:whitemartyr
Date:February 4th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC)
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yep! *hugs*
[User Picture]
From:jd3000
Date:February 4th, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
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*hug*

-JD
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 06:54 pm (UTC)
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Thank you, JD.
[User Picture]
From:lizamanynames
Date:February 4th, 2009 07:28 pm (UTC)
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*hugs you*

You fit in a hug just fine! XD

Seriously, I know the feeling.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 08:01 pm (UTC)
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AWWW, thank you! :D
[User Picture]
From:kerravonsen
Date:February 4th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC)
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But just think! Look around you at the insanity that is Hollywood -- would you really want to fit in there?

"The building block that was rejected became the cornerstone of a whole new world."
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC)
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A good point. *g* I keep coming back to the fact that God seems to have put me here because in a lot of ways I *don't* fit. *holds onto this*

(It would help if I felt more like I fit in with the church--I keep feeling like I'm trying to find middle ground, where I am following Christ but not living in OMG FEAR AND SHAME like a lot of the church. Like Meg Murry, whining about being "neither flesh nor fowl nor good red herring." *snerk*)
[User Picture]
From:kerravonsen
Date:February 4th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
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where I am following Christ but not living in OMG FEAR AND SHAME like a lot of the church
Living in fear and shame? That's terrible. Whatever happened to "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who don’t walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Rom 8:1)

One thing I've found, though, in fellowshipping with a church that doesn't have quite the same interpretation of the bible as I do, is that it forces one to examine what one does believe, and in the end become more certain about it, where before one didn't think about it at all. It's very uncomfortable, but valuable.

(Edit: changed icon)

Edited at 2009-02-04 08:25 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 08:29 pm (UTC)
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I'm exaggerating a little; the church I'm currently in is pretty good about its teaching.

But I get very tired of feeling that I have to examine what I believe so often. I just want some rest, some certainty; and while some of that is just me, and I need to quit trying to be in control and trust God, that He is in control (which is obvious when I actually look at my life, lol).

"For he has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and a sound mind."
[User Picture]
From:juleself
Date:February 4th, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
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Aw. *hugs* I totally know that feeling... let me quote you some Bon Jovi. I could actually quote the whole song, but this part is the most important, I think:

When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes.


I'm not a part of any organized religion anymore, but that get's me each and every time. :-)
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC)
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Bon Jovi rocks...on occasion. (are you an SPN fan? I can't recall.)

That's a cool line, thank you! I dunno if I'm perfect, but I do believe that God makes no mistakes! :)
[User Picture]
From:juleself
Date:February 4th, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC)
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I've pretty much limited myself to three shows to follow regularly, because that more or less fills up my time already. And no, SPN isn't among those. Yet. Sooner or later, it will catch up with me, I'm sure. :-)
[User Picture]
From:tree_and_leaf
Date:February 4th, 2009 09:53 pm (UTC)
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*hugs* I know that feeling. And I think it's something to do with being human... - have some Chesterton:

There fared a mother driven forth
Out of an inn to roam;
In the place where she was homeless
All men are at home.
The crazy stable close at hand,
With shaking timber and shifting sand,
Grew a stronger thing to abide and stand
Than the square stones of Rome.

For men are homesick in their homes,
And strangers under the sun,
And they lay their heads in a foreign land
Whenever the day is done.
Here we have battle and blazing eyes,
And chance and honour and high surprise,
But our homes are under miraculous skies
Where the yule tale was begun.

A child in a foul stable,
Where the beasts feed and foam;
Only where He was homeless
Are you and I at home;
We have hands that fashion and heads that know,
But our hearts we lost---how long ago!
In a place no chart nor ship can show
Under the sky's dome.

This world is wild as an old wife's tale,
And strange the plain things are,
The earth is enough and the air is enough
For our wonder and our war;
But our rest is as far as the fire-drake swings
And our peace is put in impossible things
Where clashed and thundered unthinkable wings
Round an incredible star.

To an open house in the evening
Home shall all men come,
To an older place than Eden
And a taller town than Rome.
To the end of the way of the wandering star,
To the things that cannot be and that are,
To the place where God was homeless
And all men are at home.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 4th, 2009 10:18 pm (UTC)
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Oh. Oh.

I've heard that quoted before, I think, but I'd never read the whole thing. Oh, how lovely. And true. Makes me feel a lot better about not being entirely at rest--and reminds me where I must seek that rest. Thank you.
[User Picture]
From:tree_and_leaf
Date:February 4th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
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It's a wonderful, truthy poem - I'm glad it helped!
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:February 5th, 2009 12:10 am (UTC)
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I imagine so. *hugs back* Thanks.

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