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SG-1 fic: E Is For The End - Light One Candle

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August 23rd, 2009


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11:57 pm - SG-1 fic: E Is For The End
Fandom: Stargate Sg-1
Title: E Is For The End
Rating: PG
Word Count: 305
Spoilers: "Reckoning Pt. 2," "Threads"
Author's Note: Written for Jacob Alphabet Soup, part of Gen Fic Day.


E IS FOR THE END

by izhilzha

~~~~~

There's a shift, and suddenly he can't feel much of anything. There's something solid and cool under his arms, his chest (possibly why he's not flat on his back on the floor), and an echoing distortion that's messing with his senses, screwing with his information uptake.

He can't breathe, for a long moment.

Sam--Samantha--is next to him, then, asking what happened.

"I don't know," he tells her, and that's the moment he does know.

He gets his feet more or less under himself and stands there while she goes off to check things out. Makes himself take deliberate breaths. Leans on the stone of the weapons console, trying to regain his balance. Trying, trying to get used to the sense of negative space that's short-circuiting everything. It's familiar, but it's been almost six years since he lived like this, and God, it's disturbing.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, he catches himself thinking. I should never have asked this of you. Never. It's a lie. He couldn't have done anything else. Selmak would be the first to tell him that. It was only tradition and generosity (and love) that had prompted any other suggestion.

And then weeks of repeated argument, since he could be as stubborn about using their shared gifts to the last moment as Old Wise One could be about sparing the life of his host.

The needs of the many, though; they both understood that. The arguments had ended in shared purpose.

And they were right. They had won.

That soaring thought finds no echo, dropping into the void without even a subconscious response.

Selmak. Please. He hasn't used his name for years, not between the two of them, not in their own head. It does no good now; he's begging an almost-corpse, and he knows better.

It's just so lonely in here.

Current Mood: goodgood

(25 lit candles | Light a candle)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:thraesja
Date:August 24th, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC)
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Oh, this is gorgeous. Deep and meaningful and painful and perfect.

Well done.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 24th, 2009 04:15 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad you found it so! Oh, Jacob.
[User Picture]
From:thraesja
Date:August 27th, 2009 12:29 pm (UTC)
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And they were right. They had won.

That soaring thought finds no echo, dropping into the void without even a subconscious response.


I stand by my first response. Painful and perfect.
[User Picture]
From:lokei
Date:August 24th, 2009 02:54 pm (UTC)
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Oh dear--so sweet and sad. Nicely done in such a small space!
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 24th, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! I just wanted that moment for Jacob--the end or the beginning of the end, and it turned out to be short.
[User Picture]
From:kalquessa
Date:August 24th, 2009 05:34 pm (UTC)
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Oh, well done. We never do really get this moment in canon, what with all the running and shooting and yay, the universe isn't ending. Oh, Jacob. Oh, Selmak. *hugs them both*
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 24th, 2009 06:15 pm (UTC)
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Yeah--just that moment where he looks like he's going to keel over, and he brushes it off to Sam. Oh, Jacob. A heroic ending, to be sure, but so hard.
[User Picture]
From:sg_fignewton
Date:August 24th, 2009 07:55 pm (UTC)
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Oh, wow. Fantastic. That last line is an absolute killer.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 24th, 2009 10:14 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad you found it so! I just feel so bad for Jacob--not only this moment, but all the weeks after it (which I could not even bring myself to touch on).
[User Picture]
From:night_spear1287
Date:August 24th, 2009 10:03 pm (UTC)
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This is heartbreakingly beautiful. As much angst as we see in canon and fanon about the host of a Goa'uld, there's relatively little exploration of what happens when a willing host loses the symbiotic friend who literally lived in his head. Poor Jacob and Selmak, and thank you for the wonderful writing :)
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 24th, 2009 10:16 pm (UTC)
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Thank you for the wonderful comment! What you said is exactly why this grabbed me so hard--Jacob/Selmak is one of the weirdest and most functional friendships in canon, and they're a host/symbiote pair, which just makes them even more rare, and the loss of them even more heartbreaking.
[User Picture]
From:sg_betty
Date:August 25th, 2009 05:38 am (UTC)
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Oh, that's just so sad...
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 26th, 2009 06:50 am (UTC)
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I know! Oh, Jacob. Oh, Selmak.
[User Picture]
From:aelfgyfu_mead
Date:August 25th, 2009 11:35 am (UTC)
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Oh, this hurts. Especially:
"I don't know," he tells her, and that's the moment he does know.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 26th, 2009 06:51 am (UTC)
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Ah, I'm glad you liked that line--it didn't strike me as an actual lie in canon, and so I let Jacob be telling the truth there, truth that he discovers false as he utters it. *hugs Jacob*
[User Picture]
From:eilidh17
Date:August 25th, 2009 07:14 pm (UTC)
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A lovely tender moment for them. Thank you :)
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 26th, 2009 06:51 am (UTC)
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You're welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
[User Picture]
From:amaranthtraces
Date:August 26th, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
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Okay, you made me cry. The cheerfulness of my only Jacob icon mocks me.

I love how Jacob thinks he never should have asked this of Selmak and "hears" Selmak's objection, even though he's already slipped into a coma.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 27th, 2009 05:43 am (UTC)
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I made you cry! \o/

...um, I mean, are you okay? *g*

Oh, I'm so glad you commented; you're totally right about how Jacob is basically filling in both sides of the conversation, but I hadn't put it that way to myself. Yes. Oh, Jacob.
[User Picture]
From:sela21k
Date:August 26th, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC)
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So beautiful and so sad. You captured Jacob's quiet grief so well.

Heartbreaking.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 27th, 2009 05:43 am (UTC)
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Thank you, I'm so glad you found it moving.
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From:colej55
Date:August 27th, 2009 03:39 am (UTC)
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That was gut wrenching!

That soaring thought finds no echo, dropping into the void without even a subconscious response.

How absolutely sad and indeed lonely. I never gave Selmak's death much thought because I was so caught up in losing Jacob, but his grief must have been intense - losing his constant companion and savior while trying to say goodbye to his beloved daughter.

*sniff, sniff*

Brilliant insights and incredible writing! Bravo!
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 27th, 2009 05:49 am (UTC)
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Jacob/Selmak's death was the only one I had not been previously spoiled for (I came to the 'Gate-verse late), so it was a crazy double blow.

I'm so glad you found this excellent. It was very satisfying (if tough) to write.
[User Picture]
From:astrogirl2
Date:August 28th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
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Oh, this is just so very, very achy.
[User Picture]
From:izhilzha
Date:August 29th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC)
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\o/ Thank you! That's exactly how I felt it should be; I recently rewatched "Threads," and what jumped out at me was that Jacob knew this moment was coming, and so...shocking, yes, but duller than that and in some ways more painful (nothing to blunt it, that phase mostly dealt with already).

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