izhilzha (izhilzha) wrote,

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*puddle of tears*

For my fellow SG-1 fans, this won't be hard to understand: I just watched the season 5 episode "Meridian".

I cried, and I mean tears streaming down my face (not that common with me), for about half of the episode, and I am not remotely exaggerating. *is emotionally exhausted*

I'm not sure where to start. I want to write fic or something, get some of this angst out of me properly...but the only character who seems to be vocal in my head right now is Jack, and he's so confused and grief-stricken that he's not making much sense at all. *hugs Jack*

I have to say that this was one of the best dismiss-a-character episodes I've seen in any of my fandoms. Star Trek never got it right, except with Spock in "The Wrath of Khan". The only time it really worked for me on Babylon 5 was with Marcus. This time, we got to go through the pain and struggle with the characters. It was yucky, and terribly sad, and frustrating, and real. Kudos to the creators, the writers, and oh my word, the actors.


--Near the very beginning, when they come back through the 'Gate, and head straight for the infirmary. Daniel's still walking, apart from everyone else, and when the medical peeps show up, he ducks away from them. "Don't touch me!" Because he knows he's still radioactive.

--Jack's reaction to Hammond's plan to write a letter to the Colonans (sp?), in an attempt to get the naquadria in trade...without telling the truth about Daniel's actions. "They are a bunch of lying bastards!"

--Jack coming to visit the bandaged and dying Daniel in the infirmary. Telling him not that he's become fond of him, not that he cares about him, but that--more surprisingly and more importantly--that he has come to admire Daniel. That, coming from Jack, is...just wow. And Daniel doesn't seem quite able to believe it, though he accepts the words. (this is, btw, when I started crying)

--Teal'c visit to Daniel, and Sam's.... Their words of confidence and sorrow and regret and gratitude...and Daniel can't seem to hear them properly, either.

--I don't blame Daniel for leaving, at the end. After all, according to Jacob/Selmak, even if he could heal Daniel, he doubted he would be able to bring him back to full health. Better to die than live a half-life. But the reason he gives Jack, that he thinks he can do more this way (as he said before, that he thinks his life has been only a series of failures)...gah. I identify with that far too much. It's so easy to assume that one has not made a difference, if one hasn't made the difference that one wanted to make. Judged by our own standards, yes, to our despair. Heh--I identify with Jack, here, as well. Trying to convince someone of their own worth is one of the hardest things to do, ever.

--I'm impressed with Jonas for showing up and bringing them the naquadria.

One final note for now, before I go wash dishes for therapy (heh): I'm a little weirded out that this episode, as well as "Forever in a Day," were echoed in my fic Chaapa'ai, which I wrote before I'd seen either episode.
Tags: fannish, friendship, review, stargate sg-1

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