That’s a very interesting form, and I quite like it. Makes me think of the antiphonal nature of Biblical Hebrew poetry, coupled with the strict measure of Western forms — sonnets for psalmists.

What is the consistent meter that you are using? Perhaps I could comment intelligently if I knew that. It would give me a very much better idea what this sort of poem sounds like.

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At the moment, the meter has roughly four accents. (I think my brain really likes the Old English style, because I keep writing stuff that maybe ought to be iambic pentameter or something and it wants to sound like Beowulf instead.) I'll figure out how to make it conform more closely once I solve the question of the structure.

Actually, very good question. I wonder if maybe ending with a single line with just four beats is slightly too short, and that's why I'm not completely satisfied with the structure.

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C. S. Lewis had a habit, when writing in iambic pentameter, of occasionally inserting a sixth foot into his lines for emphasis. It became rather a stylistic tic with him, and I sometimes grit my teeth when reading his poems because I’m waiting for the next shoe (containing an extra foot) to drop. But it is more effective when used sparingly, and might be most effective of all if it is supposed to be there by the rules of the form.

A fifth foot in the last line might be just the thing to add that needed bit of oomph, while giving you room to say what needs saying in the one line that has to touch on both themes. Praps?

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Praps! I shall give it a try, and see what happens. Thank you very much for your insight.

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