A Journey in the Dark
A journey, a quest, a venture into the unknown.
The motif occurs again and again in literature, in story. One goes forth to seek one’s fortune. One emerges from home to go and bring back fire or gold or the water of life. One simply GOES, not knowing where the quest will lead. Maybe it doesn’t matter if one knows at the start. The going itself is half the battle, and life is such that one can be sure of some destination being reached, whether it is the first-desired one or not.
This is my life, this metaphor. This journey made in darkness.
Even in childhood the steps I took, while lit by love and encouragement and tales, were taken in dusk. I have always been able to see the stars, but like Little Daylight, I only saw the sun clearly at dawn and sunset. Every star reflected it, and hope was the light of my life and my stories, and the burden of what I wanted to tell others.
I wanted to BE a star. A lantern. A star-glass. A light when all other lights go out.
The lessons I learned, both then and now, were all needed for this journey. Endurance, perseverance, the ability to keep on "walking all the same." The knowledge that past the pain the universe holds a center of pure joy, that past the darkness it holds a center of pure light, was sometimes all I needed. Sometimes it took a little more.
Trust was a harder-earned lesson, one I still falter at. This journey is undertaken in the dead of night, and I walk softly, lest I smash my toes against a rock, lest I step in a hole and break my ankle, lest I tread on some beast of the night and be bitten. Maybe I go too slowly, unable to wholly trust the leading of the hand of God that I feel on my shoulder. Maybe this will come easier, the longer I walk in the dark.
I carry light within me, and can use it to light the way for others, but it seems to fail to light my own path, many times.
I walk self-contained, turned to God most of all, to the One who never leaves my side. I may not see Him, but He is there, and there is no need for me to walk alone. But I must relearn to walk in company. It may only be for days or week, maybe months or years, but every companion leaves. They are more precious for that, if I can only remember to ignore or accept the loneliness that will come when they must take another path or stop a while in some house or town by the roadside while I continue on.
Each one is a gift. I must not deny such beauty, such love, such grace in human form.
Listening intently, hands outstretched and feet gliding along, I continue to walk. The path is not smooth, and it rises and falls, but at my side the Warmth of Love Himself accompanies me.
I will continue this walk in the darkness, this journey of faith. One day, I shall be able to see the Sun in all its noonday glory, more glorious than I can now imagine. It will dazzle me, and I long to be so dazzled.
I have a purpose. I am on an adventure. May that knowledge keep me in courage and able to hold my head high. I have been sent on this quest, made for this. I will not shrink back. This is my destiny, and every direction I turn, I look for the rising of the Sun.
I venture into the unknown. I am afraid, but more afraid of refusing this call.
This is my life, this journey in the dark.